Happy Birthday Charles House Sr.

Happy Birthday Pops!! I love you and miss you everyday!! Rest in Eternal Peace.

my dreams..

I often wonder if my Pops would be proud of my efforts since he's been gone; Just had a dream in which my Pops kept saying "I'm proud of you son, keep on working!" Guess I don't have to worry anymore! 

R.I.P Charles House Sr.

Happy Birthday Charles House Sr.

Today would've been my Pops' 59th birthday.

I never would've thought in a million years that I would be, at the age of 23, living without my father. I guess you can say I took for granted the time we had because I just thought we would have more or it. I struggle with the fact that he's gone everyday, whether it's wanting to call and tell him how my day went or hearing some random piece of advice he always use to give. Nonetheless I think he prepared me well enough to live without him.

REST IN PEACE POPS!!

STILL can't believe that it's over!

I miss my Pops! Every now and again I get down about him being gone and I stay in a detached state for a couple of hours.  The other day I was thinking about him when this line from "Get Over" off Tha Carter II kept playing in my head...

"...nothing amounts to me not having my father! I know a lot of yall got em but you need em WAY more when you gotta go without em!"

Just having that being repeated in my head was like a wall being knocked down and all these emotions just came front and center! So I put the song on repeat and just let it ride....over and over again. Even as I write this I'm just letting it ride.  No accomplishments, no rewards, no painkillers are strong enough to take this pain away!!

"Though, though I'm missin you

I'll find a way to get through

I know livin without ya is impossible

Gooonnee...I know you gon live on

Cuz you were my brotha and I love ya, and I miss ya"

Imagine having the person that you talk to everyday, the person that you go to for ANYTHING suddenly just being taken from you! It makes you live life so differently. I realized before that I- I don't know what I was doing!! Now I live like the present moment is my last moment.  Everything that he use to tell me I try to remember but I can never remember enough.  I still hear his voice talking to me...[Mind flooded with memories!] I'm gone! 

Verse 1:

"Stay strong, be tough, that's what the preacher tell ya

He never really felt ya, so he can't even help ya

Need a shoulder to lean on, somebody to cry to

It's like everything's gone, but I'm a survivor

Standin on stage in front of thousands

Don't amount to me not havin my father

That's real talk, I know a lot of y'all got 'em

But you need 'em way more when you gotta go without 'em

And I'm without 'em, but that's life y'all

Sometimes you gotta learn to swim with no lifeguard

I'm alright God, shit I'm still breathin

But loss hurt like bullets, I'm about to start bleedin

Throw me down some comfort, cause my heart need it

Tryin to cope with my chances and meet 'em

There's a dark road ahead, but I'm tryin to take it easy

Rest in peace Charles Lee [House], my POPS!"

Though I'm missing you I'll find a way to get through cause YOU made me stronger and let me know that I was gonna be alright without you.  Through US your memory will live on but PAIN is the obstacle in front of me so I just got to GET OVER!

Wait for me I'm coming!!

We all got a little of you in us

"Like Father, Like Son"

R.I.P Pops!